I called in sick to work for the 3rd day in over a year on Tuesday. The policy where I work is that you get an occurrence for calling in sick, then if you call in sick the next day & the day after that, it goes on the same occurrence. So most people there take all three days whenever they call in because, well...why not? One day for one occurrence, or three days for one occurrence? Well, I have always gone back when I felt better, after a day. I thought it the proper thing to do as a good employee, to not abuse sick leave. Not this time. I took the second day even though I could have worked today. And I have considered taking tomorrow, too, but I won't.

Lately I've been feeling extremely burnt-out. I like the job itself, and I am grateful for the chance to have learned it. However, the loads of shit we have to deal with as subcontractors are ridiculous. I feel like I haven't even been doing my actual job for weeks now, because we've been wading through thousands and thousands of pieces of work that shouldn't even be there. And we're on mandatory overtime to top it all off. I don't know. Maybe it's just that time of year where it is FOREVER until another holiday, and I just need a vacation to come back around...but I don't think so.

Our current contract is up in September, and honestly (as awful as it is to say in this economy) I am ready to be laid off! I do not say that lightly - I know it sounds unappreciative and horrible with thousands of people losing their jobs daily that really need their jobs. But I do not need my job - the money is really nice to have, but it's not necessary for us to get by. And when I think about the price I pay to have all the extra money, I always wonder if it's worth it.

Being a stay-at-home mom wouldn't be my cup of tea. I need to have some sort of a job. But I don't think a full time job with mandatory overtime is it. I don't know what I am going to do. I am really unhappy with my job lately - and while I know that I should stick it out until September and stockpile some money from all the overtime, a big part of me wants to make a transition to something less time-consuming before then. I want to have more family time. I want to see my boyfriend for more than just the weekends. I want more family-time. I want to have more full days with Jarin before he does go to school.

Oh, and the reason I have to consider giving up my present job is because part time is not available in our office (unless you are spoiled and super-bitchy, but we'll save her for another entry). I wanted part time when I had Jarin, but every opportunity I've had to move up in pay and experience within the health insurance field has only had full time jobs. And I don't think I'm ok with that anymore. And now I don't know what I'm going to do.

My baby Jarin is going to be 2 on Sunday - I can't believe it. We haven't made plans to do anything, really. I think just having my parents, and MAYBE my brother and my sister and her husband. I didn't want a traditional party where people feel obligated to buy stuff in this economy - the child has TONS of stuff. And I thought of doing a present-less party, even considered a food drive for the local food pantry. But I am not up to hosting a big party here right now, and nowhere that I looked into for kids' parties was very fiscally responsible. We're not hurting for money by any means, but I am choosy how I spend it & try to not be flippant with it right now. He isn't going to remember it, anyway. I don't think. We were watching a movie yesterday that had a Christmas scene in it and he pointed at the TV and said "Christmas tree!" I know kids learn/remember things - but this is the first time he's recalled something from so long ago (that I know of) - not like letters and numbers that are rehearsed daily. Anyways, he'll have his cake that looks like a car, and that's all that will really matter to him.

I remember freaking out just 6 months ago because he wasn't really talking much. When people say not to worry because kids just explode into words, they are so right. Some of them are words we really wish he wouldn't repeat :) But he will repeat almost anything you say to him now. Doesn't say the L sound yet, but he'll get there. He does the stairs all by himself now - sometimes without me watching every move. He likes to take his pants off and sit on the potty, but not actually go in it yet. The hardest thing for me to deal with, I think, is that he is trying to be so independent with everything and refuses help even when I know he needs it.

He is sick tonight. Probably with what I had this week. I feel so bad for him. And I am clueless - we've been extremely fortunate thus far to never have a sick baby. The occasional cold/mild fever, but never actually sick. This is the first time I've had to clean several piles of vomit (which is absolutely disgusting, by the way). I HOPE he doesn't get it like I did - if so Madd is going to have a bad day tomorrow, as I have to get back to work. Going to make a separate post about that now.

Man, with how fast the past 2 years have gone, it seems as if he'll be in school next week! There are days you're glad go quickly (tonight's vomit-session, for example)...but most of the time I wish it would just slow down a little bit.

I am tired lately. I think it's a combination of several factors. This time of year is always hard for me - up and headed for work while it's still dark/dawn, and not home until almost dark. Holidays are so busy. I love them, but the stress they bring sucks. Planning, shopping, and all the traveling, all with a toddler. Which brings me to Jarin. Holy cow he wears me out. He is just go-go-go until he crashes, and I will admit I am usually ready to crash before he is! And when I'm not with him I think about him a lot and worry about him. I do not handle stress well. If I weren't wanting to get pregnant again I would go see about getting meds again. Lexapro did me well a few years back - just took the edge off so I wasn't stressing over every little thing I could think of. Work is pretty stressful right now. Mostly because I am still learning my new position and it can be a frustrating job to do. Also because of the weather. Many companies will close, or at least let people leave or take a day off if the weather is bad. Ours will not. We will not close unless the federal building downtown closes, meaning pretty much never. We may not leave early without getting an occurence unless they are closing roads that we need to take to get home. The hazards of contracting to do federal work (we do Medicare) is that you have federal obligations, even if you are not federal yourself. Ugh. Oh well. At least they do not count it against us if we are late due to bad weather, as long as we get there. I've been working overtime, too. Not as much as some others, but enough to make a difference on my check. Sometimes I feel bad because Madd & I both work overtime a lot, and I feel like Jarin is cheated out of time with us. But I guess in the long run it is better for him. And us. With the economy going to crap, Madd & I have discussed our finances, and even if we were to both lose our jobs and be on unemployment we would be fine, so that is good to know, I guess. We have a home, food, clothes, and leftover for fun, so I am thankful for all of that, especially this time of year. I can't wait until winter is over. I know it really just started, but I am done with it. After New Year's it is a long stretch to Jarin's birthday, then it will start to get back to the time of year we like :)

I love being a mom! I was tickling Jarin earlier tonight and he was just laughing and squealing uncontrollably, which just made me start laughing. He's not talking for us yet, really, but he knows what's going on. He understands so much and picks up on things quickly. The biggest con right now is the naughtiness - hitting, throwing, tantrums on the floor...we are doing the best we can with it. It is hardest for me in public where I can't really discipline him the way I want. And that does not necessarily mean spanking - we're not quite there yet. But we give time-outs with him face-down on the floor...can't quite do that in the middle of a store or restaurant. More often than not he is a great little boy. And very loving - it is so great to ask your kid for a hug or kiss and have him walk over to you and do it and be happy about it. :)

I just got a promotion at work. Not authority/rank-wise, but pay grade-wise. I am moving departments, which will be more really good experience, and the department I am moving to is a higher paid group. Also, just before being hired to the new department, we had our annual reviews. Mine was stellar - I got a 5/5 overall total. I only know of one other person who got that - I am sure there are a couple more, but out of 85 people it's awesome to be in the top 5 or so. From the time I left IHP last May ('07) to now, I have increased my pay by $12K/year. Holy crap! Maybe I really will get to retire some day.

Fall is here! I finally bought a new coat, and some really cute boots. And it's football season - WOO! Feelin' bad for the Cyclones - though I really thought they were going to upset Kansas last week. My Cowboys are doing well for themselves, though I can't believe they lost to the Redskins - that was painful. Hopefully they continue to have a good season.

By this Friday, my student loans will be paid off in full, and by 9/12 my last payment on the medical I owed from having Jarin will be paid off in full. This means that "officially" I will be debt-free. "officially" being any open account on my credit that a lender would look at. Of course I still have monthly bills like everyone else, just no outstanding credit. Except my credit card, which has a small enough limit that even maxing it out I can pay it off when the bill is due - that is a nice control measure.

This is mostly due to a HUGE part by Madd, who is very good with money matters, and decided he would rather help pay the student loan off than have me pay the government anymore interest (since the whole $2000 they took this spring went to interest). And it will be so much easier to pay him back, as he can do all the budgeting and finances, and we already have the ability to transfer money between our accounts.

I really feel like such a burden is off of me, knowing that none of these people will be mailing me or calling me or sitting on my credit report! Just have to deal with the one I live with now, and I am pretty used to that :) Thank you, dear! Wow - I honestly never thought I would be on top of things ever again, and with help I am again, and I am so happy I could scream!

So we finally took a vacation! A whole week off of work with camping, (attempted) fishing, pools, hotels, a cave, and a family reunion. We left very late Saturday the 19th, drove through a wicked storm, and arrived to the campground in the Decorah area around 1am. Got the tent set up fine (had to fix the rain fly in the morning when we could see which way it actually went). Jarin LOVED camping! He loves to play outside anyways, so it was all fun all day from the time he woke up in the morning. Except that one part where he was looking to the side and running forward and fell on his face. Gravel marks in the forehead. Oh well, he recovered just fine. Madd and I attempted fishing a few times, but having to tend to Jarin so much (especially around the water) made it next to impossible.

Tuesday evening we took off and headed south to Dubuque. Found a cheap hotel room and crashed. The next day we went to a neighborhood pool there and took Jarin swimming for the first time. He did not like it. There were moments of enjoyment after he got somewhat used to it, but pretty much was not enjoying the whole experience. And it was just the kiddie/wading pool. And the water was warm. I really thought he would have liked it since he likes baths so much. After grabbing food we took off heading further south. I saw a sign for a cave and had to stop. We took the tour which was pretty cool - Crystal Lake Cave. I really wanted to stay in the Maquoketa area so the next day we could go through the caves. But the town was packed! County fair was starting and there was a huge parade and everything. And apparently people in the Cedar Rapids part of the state had lost power due to the storms, so they had migrated east. All the hotels and campgrounds were full. So we kept going.

Ended up getting into Clinton a day or two earlier than planned, so we stayed at a hotel that night. Took Jarin swimming in the pool there the next morning, thinking just us and him in the water would be better - nope, he still pretty much hated it. And screaming inside echoes! Not sure how we're going to get him past this (and the really great part is now he is freaked out of the bathtub, which he used to love ~sigh~). We met up with Madd's aunt that afternoon and got a key to her house so we could stay there a couple nights. Their family reunion was Saturday, and despite being surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know at all and having a child who needed a nap, it was a good time. Potluck style, so there was plenty of good food. And some fun games before we headed out of there. Drove to Davenport to stay at his dad's Saturday night so the drive home Sunday would be that much shorter.

Got home later than planned, but with perfect timing as it just started to storm as we pulled in to home. Besides driving through it when we left the week before, we had perfect weather the whole time until we got home. It was a much-needed break from work and home. I've been pretty lazy since getting back, though. Here are a few pics of Jarin while camping: (ok, scratch that - they come out HUGE and I don't know how to fix that - I'll just link to where I posted them earlier)

pics of Jarin from camping

I haven't updated in so long that I haven't even posted about my new job! In February I started working for ACS under their federal solutions/healthcare division. Yup - now I process Medicare claims. Which I know sounds awful and boring to most people, however those of us who work with medical claims know that if you get experience working Medicare claims you can pretty much go work in claims for anyone you want to. Because Medicare has the most rules/regulations, and changes the most often, so if you can do well at it you can do well with any other insurance. And, I must say, I am damn good at my job! I love it! I am sure I wouldn't love it so much if I wasn't so good at it.

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All in all, I love my job. And I don't care if that sounds lame to other people because I process Medicare Part B insurance claims. :) I am good at what I do and I know that will benefit me greatly in the future for the field I have chosen to work in.

It is times like now when my mind is so overloaded with things that I realize the value of dumping it into a journal more often, and I wish I took time to update here more - whether public or private. I am going to make a couple posts just to unload, and hopefully that will help.



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So I went to work yesterday as usual. I had a good day - I'm having a good month, really. For approved listings I am already at 91% of goal, and if the few listings I am battling our QA department on (that's for another post sometime) go through, I will be over goal already for the month! I think another big part of why I like my job is that, so far, I'm good at it. If I meet goal again, this will be the 6th month and it will be an automatic promotion to the next level of validator (which is also an automatic pay raise). Anyway, back to my birthday - we do birthday baskets at work, and I got lots (LOTS) of dark chocolate in various forms. Also a few other snacky things and pop and knick-knacks. And the largest bulk of my listings toward goal was approved yesterday.

When I got home I came inside and Madd was in the basement. So I go downstairs and he has Jarin sitting on the pool table (it had the cover on it) with cake, ice cream and a book in front of him - it was really cute. The book is "I Am America And So Can You" by Stephen Colbert - we both enjoy watching the Daily Show & Colbert Report, and I am looking forward to reading this book.

I didn't even notice (Madd had to point me in the right direction) that he had bought the high chair I wanted for Jarin and had it all put together and everything! I wanted to get a wooden high chair for Jarin, but Madd didn't want to because they are way more expensive and he thought it silly to spend that much on a high chair. But I really like them and think it looks nice and was determined to get one, so I was really excited about it.

Another thing I hadn't noticed when I got home that had to be pointed out to me (poor Madd) was that he had mowed/bagged the leaves in the front yard! This is a big deal to me because 1)living in a house I think you choose to take on more responsibilities, and yard-work is one of them so you have to do it (and we hadn't done it yet), and 2)I worry (too much) about what other people (especially neighbors) think - and the house across the street from us was previously occupied by the lawn nazi (which makes all the other yards look crappy in comparison). Anyways - cleanup of fall leaves is taken care of! YAY!

And of course, I hop on the internet as usual to check my daily list of sites. He knows my habits well. I opened firefox and my startup page is different and says firefox sucks and maybe I should open internet explorer. So I do that, and the home page is a birthday card site for me that Madd had sent people to to leave a message for me - and he started it over a week ago! How awesome was that? Great planning, and great to have the online card that I can keep that everyone signed!

I was told to be ready by 6 because we were having dinner at 7. Madd made reservations - impressive. As I was getting ready he changed into dress clothes - impressive again! So we drove Jarin to the sitter (which was also previously planned without my knowledge), then drove West. For a while I thought we were going to Biaggi's, as I had talked of it before. But we didn't get off the freeway until Jordan Creek, then we turned left - so I had NO CLUE where we were going. Well, Madd got us to Fleming's Steakhouse. When we got inside a girl took my coat for me to check it. All the girls at the check-in booth told me happy birthday :) We were taken to our table and seated and given menus. The first 4 pages of their menu is wine, then there is a totally separate menu of wines you can only buy by the bottle. There were varying prices, which I always think is nice - not everyone wants to drop $100+ on a bottle of wine. We got a bottle of cabernet sauvignon (Ring Bolt, I think...not sure I remember that correctly).

ugh - I wish I could critique it like Sam does because it was so great! We were given a starter of crisp bread with two spreads - one was a smoked cheese spread (I do not remember what kind, it was white & crumbly & yummy) and the other was chopped olives (and other stuff). We were given plenty of time to look over the menus, but were not ignored by any means - the waiter was great! We both ordered the New York strip prime cut - Madd's was medium-well and mine was medium. Both came cooked perfectly to what we ordered. I think the only complaint either of us had for the whole night was that the meat was pretty fatty around the edges (more-so than expected). But the meat was very good. One down-side (for those of us looking at the prices) is that everything is a la carte. We got a side of mashed potatoes with garlic (these might be the best garlic potatoes I have ever had - they were so light and creamy and the garlic was perfect) and asparagus (I forget what it was seasoned with, but it was great). They comped a dessert for me, as it was my birthday...I told Madd that without the Jarin factor I could die happy after eating that :) It was a chocolate lava cake. It pretty much looked & tasted like a super-yummy cake donut with hot, melted chocolate in the middle, and had ice cream with wafer things on the side - and a dish of whipped cream served on the side.

The bill was definitely the highest we've ever incurred together for food :) Madd said it was "a day's wages"...but well worth it. ugh - I SO wish I could have had Sam write my "review" - except that he wasn't there haha. He's big on presentation...since everything is served a la carte, it is pretty nice looking when it comes out. I would say it is a tie between the asparagus and the dessert for the nicest looking dish. The service was excellent. Everyone who served us in any way was very friendly and told me happy birthday. We were neither smothered nor neglected by our waiter. He was knowledgeable about the food and the wine. He earned his tip, for sure! I definitely recommend it for anyone wanting a nice night out and not worried about the money for that night!

So we picked Jarin up and came home, and I go to pull into the driveway as usual (with all the stuff in the garage both our cars don't fit in there) and Madd opens the garage door - it was all organized and cleaned enough that we can both park in there now! This was also something I have been talking about wanting to get done since winter is coming. He was just full of surprises - and I don't know how he had time to do it all! I was very happy and it really was a great day/night. Wow - 26. I can remember when I thought my older cousins that age were so old and out of touch with what was cool. And now I know that one of my little cousins somewhere probably thinks that about me at family gatherings. Oh well. Time goes much faster now with Jarin - hopefully raising him will help keep me young more than it makes me old! haha

It is so weird how I always think "I should make a journal entry about that", but when I do get here and go to make an entry I just draw a complete blank! Perhaps it is just that there is too much to write about and I can't put it in any kind of order in my head or choose what to write about and what not to (as all of it would take a substantial amount of time that I do not have to write, and others do not want to spend reading).

We got new windows on the main floor of the house. Typically with a 2-story house, the heat rises and it is a lot warmer upstairs than it is downstairs when the heat is on. Well, it was like that here last year, anyway. Well, now it is perfect on the main floor and actually chilly upstairs. I can tell it is the difference in the windows (no cold air is coming in downstairs).

The ginkgo tree out front lost all its leaves today. I made an entry last year, shortly after we moved in, on how I got up one morning and the leaves were falling like rain and the tree was bare when I got home. So I have been watching it daily for any signs that it might happen, as I wanted to get a picture of it. Looked the same as it has the last few days when I left this morning (the leaves were getting a bit yellower each day, which they never did last year) and dammit the tree was bare when I got home today! The yard is pretty, though - a perfect circle of a pretty, fall shade of yellow all around the tree on the lawn. As far as I am concerned, winter has begun.

I like my job a lot. Won't say I love every aspect of it, but whenever I have a bad day I think of where I came from and I appreciate my job like new again. I really enjoy the challenge of having a goal to meet. I like the investigative work. I like knowing that I know what I am doing and that I have a ton of opportunities ahead of me again (I had hit a dead-end at the old job). And I REALLY enjoy the money! A $3.50/hour pay raise over my old job AND I can earn monthly bonus! The part I really appreciate the most, though, is the opportunities I have in front of me now.

(getting long, so I will wrap it up)

Best for last...Jarin! He is getting so grown-up so fast. He sits up all by himself, and can gracefully get into a crawling position from sitting (not sitting up from laying down yet, though). Still only almost crawling - he has learned to use his arms now - that is new. Instead of pushing himself with his legs, he now pulls himself with his arms (like an army crawl). As soon as he figures out to do the arms and legs in conjunction with each other we are in trouble! He babbles more and more for us. He has dada quite mastered, and the baba comes out fairly often. A sort of nahnah is in there, too. What about mama? Yup - only when he's crying, though (go figure, huh?). He loves the noisy toys! And music - he loves music. A sort of bouncing (dancing?) has emerged when he's listening to music while in a sitting position. And the boy loves food. Jarin LOVES food. Unfortunately, still no teeth! What's up with that? I feel so bad because he will watch us eat and cry (even if he's just eaten) - so I am trying to make whatever we might be eating mushy so he can have some. I know teething will be trying on us all, but once they come, feeding him will be so much more convenient! Jarin is super-affectionate, and that makes me feel happy and like it is a reflection of the affection he has received from his parents, and that is a good feeling.